Runner-Up.

KUER's most recent radio show with Dan Fabrizio is out.

I listened to the whole thing. Why?

Because I was approached Elaine Clark, the Senior Producer of the show, to be interviewed for this segment. Apparently, one of my old professors name-dropped me to her, but gave her the wrong email. Then Elaine went to CLP, who had my right address, and we got in touch.

Most of the people on this bit were pretty high up, pretty important, pretty posh. So that's probably why I didn't make the cut. Elaine mentioned that she might not need me, if some of the other people came through. I'm glad to have been thought of though, and deemed important enough to have email correspondence with the Producer.

It, however, reopened the can of worms and pain I'm trying to close. My grandparents live in Logan, and I have countless friends and family in both SLC and Provo who do not know about me. And quite frankly, I know some of them would not understand if they did, which is why I have not told them.

This "opportunity" resurfaced my struggles from when we assisted in amending BYU's Honor Code back in 2007. I was in the thick of that one, and repeatedly got calls for interviews for everything from the Tribune to Sunstone. They even ran a blurb in TIME. Back then, I was still a student at BYU, and so there was still much more "closet" surrounding me, which resulted in most of the interview opportunities being refused to protect my anonymity. However, I am mentioned in "general" in many of the news articles (one of three who participated in discussions and the walk, yeah, me) surrounding the time, and talked with tons of reporters.

I think, overall, it's better that Elaine never called me like she said she would to pursue using me for this interview. I don't think I could have been anywhere near as emotionally composed as the people in this radio show were. Prop 8 hits home, and it hits deep. And I hate everything about it. Although, I think I would have done a much fairer job in fielding some of the questions presented in what seemed to me to be more of a one-sided conversation than anything else... but what can you do? It's conservative Utah :P

Oh, that and the fact that in her email to me she was told that I apparently supported Prop 8 and that's the angle she was really interested in. Well, I was. For like, a day? Yeah. But then there was more to the story, and I ended up nowhere. And wanting a gun.

I'm sick of all of this, and wish Prop 8, and hate, and bigots, and close-minded people, and riots, and violence, and fighting would all just go away. And that I could patch up the holes and wounds and lost friends and estranged family and broken pieces of my heart and just... stop... hurting.

Damn this almost-interview for just digging all of that back up again...