"It's funny how someone can break your heart and you still love them with all the little pieces."I couldn't find who said it, but rumor has it that it's from Twilight, in which case I'm going to be absolutely sick. Because I hate that book. And that crappy woman who can't write who authored them. Don't even get me started.
Anyway, that quote is how I feel about the church.
Why? Why can't I just fucking walk away?
Because of people. People like Young Stranger. And -L-.
I love them with every ounce of hate I feel.
I cannot give up.
3 comments:
LOL at the Twilight review. I finally broke down and read them a couple weeks ago. Bella and Edward took "noble self-sacrifice for the sake of the one I love" to a sickening level (which is probably why sappy teenage girls like the books so much), but I enjoyed the story overall.
I'm not very critical when it comes to literature and cinema, though.
What is it you're unable to walk away from? Is it something you can take with you? Sit down and figure out what it is exactly that's holding you to the Church, and try to decide if it's something you can separate from the parts that are bringing you down.
I realize that the cafeteria approach to the Gospel isn't doctrinally sound, but if it allows you to survive now, and build yourself up away from the Church so that one day you're strong enough to return, then I think it's a valid approach.
I've found a lot of peace in separating the Church of Jesus Christ from the corporate organization of the Church--you could almost look at the former as the "spirit" of the Church and the latter as its imperfect, mortal body. Eventually (when Christ returns) it will be resurrected and made whole and perfect, but for now we have to make do with a body that's afflicted with myopia and arthritis.
So I do my best to disregard the imperfections of the body of the Church, and devote myself to following the Spirit. That's helped me to find peace.
The nice thing is that the spirit of the Church is closely tied to the Spirit of God, so if you really need to, you can pack up and leave the body for a while (astral projection?), taking the Spirit with you while you recuperate from your aches and pains.
I'm probably not making any sense. The metaphor seemed to work when I first got started.
Hang in there, man. God loves you, the Gospel is true, and the Church is full of imperfect people and run by mortal men who can receive inspiration and guidance as they lead the Church, but who (I believe) are also capable of misinterpreting that inspiration from time to time.
I get enough of that word from my students at school. Do I have to hear [read] it from you, too?
I have to admit that I have been thinking that frieking word more and more lately, and it really seems to help get the anger out. :-)
Hang in there. We love you and pray for you to find peace.
Peace will come when the time is right.
Okay. New response based on the updated post (everything following the "Why can't I just walk away?")...
How does your staying in the Church or not say anything about your love for the people you mention? Have either of them (or anyone else you care about) ever said "if you love me, you'll never leave the Church"?
Do you feel like they will think less of you for leaving?
People are almost always one of the things you can take with you if you leave the Church. It's a rare person who bases his friendship and love for you solely on your status as an active member of the Church, and in my experience those who do don't usually make very good friends anyway.
I don't doubt that your family and friends will continue to love you no matter what you decide to do, just as you will continue to love them. They want what's best for you, and they want you to be happy. They each have their own idea of what's best for you and what will make you happy, but I'm pretty sure that most of them will acknowledge that ultimately you need to make that decision, and they'll stick with you no matter what decision you make.
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