Mormons Suck Sometimes

I guess I'm in the mood to blog... *sigh*

I went to Church on Sunday. It was the first time in three weeks. I even went to all three hours, which was a first in months. I was quickly reminded why I go on the fringe only.

I almost walked out of Elder's Quorum but instead just sat there and waited with AGONY for them to be done. The lesson was on Eternal Marriage and its importance. Can't we talk about anything else in this fucking church? PLEASE??

Blah, blah, blah, Marriage takes work, its hard, its important, you need to prepare, etc etc. I've heard all that shit before. Doesn't make it any easier for me. I know what I'm getting into. Except oh wait, I like men and so my job is 1000x harder than everyone else.

My bishop even helped out too. He was sitting right behind me. He saw me focusing intently on my Sudoku puzzle doing my best to ignore everything behind said outwardly while it cut me to the core inwardly. In a brilliant maneuver of tact (as he is renowned for) he raised his hand, and said, "Mr. Person teaching the lesson, can you talk about those for whom marriage may be difficult? Can you speak to those who may no longer have any hope of getting married?"

Bastard. Why didn't he just raise his hand and say, "Can you please speak to Hidden's inability to like women and attempt to make him feel better (even though he'll just end up wanting to stab his eyes out with a fork and throw them at you) knowing that somehow in the next life this will all supposedly just resolve itself?"

I love that when I actually do go to church it just makes me want to go even less. I think I'm starting to hate my church alot... and I already called my Bishop a bastard so it's clear where I stand on that one.

I want my testimony back. I want to believe again. Can I have hope and faith yet? Damn waiting until April. Nothing works in my life the way it should. I think its funny that people adamate that they are not broken... I AM. That's pretty much the only thing I DO know these days. I'm broken and I hate it.

The End