05 November 2015


I have been slowly working my way back. Spending time with missionaries. Going to Church.

Really valuing what I had lost. I thought it was working. I thought it was okay. I thought there was only good and hope and happiness coming.

Wow, was I wrong. Wow, wow, wow.

I feel like I've just had the ladder kicked out from under me and I'm falling from a 10-story building.

The Church has come out and basically said same-sex marriage is now "an infection that must be cut from the body at all costs."

They have come out in an entirely mean-spirited way, thrown the gauntlet down, and loaded the guns kids will use to end their lives. HOW MANY WILL KILL THEMSELVES OVER THIS? HOW MANY? Why are we condemning people to death like this? Why are we shutting door after door after door? God is love, Christ accepted all, and yet the LDS Church is one of doors, and not just doors, but doors with guards and restrictions and I just don't see a way forward here.

I am heartbroken. I want to curl up and cry. I don't understand. I absolutely don't. Why? I find myself without tears to cry anymore.

I have tried and they have responded. Gays are not welcome. I am now an apostate. Continuing at church WILL lead to my excommunication. I just don't understand.

I simply weep. I weep because I have no understanding or explanation for what is being preached. The Church is continuing to arm friends and family and people I care about with weapons to attack me, and I have no defense beyond love. This is a destructive act and no good can come of it.


1 comment:

M. Palmer said...

Hey, I'd just like to say it's going to be ok. It will get better. I say this to all who will read this no matter what situation you're in.