They don't.

*mic drop*

Cry

I tried for years to make myself a place in the Mormon church after I came out. And I failed. And so I gave up.

It was either that or take my life.

It's crazy to me how far away I can claim to be from all this now and yet how absolutely debilitating it still is for me. I watched this clip today and just bawled. It still hurts so much. I just collapse and can't breathe and I cry. And there's no one here to hold me. No one.

Even after severing all ties, closing all doors, and walking as far away as I could get, it STILL hurts me. I wish there were a way to abandon it completely. I wish.



The new letter meant to be read from the pulpit, reminiscent of Proposition 8, on either July 5th or July 12th in response to the Supreme Court Ruling for Marriage Equality takes me back to my pain and suffering. Takes me back to sitting in Sacrament in California in 2008. Takes me back to talks given at Conference that made me wish for a gun.

I don't know what else to do to help. To make people listen. To stop the pain and hurt.

So I'll just cry instead and hope that helps somehow.

Wondering

I've been looking for this song for a few months. I honestly couldn't remember who it was by, or what it was called, or where I'd even heard it. I just remembered there was something about blood and something about on his head - a crown or thorns. I'd tried google searches to no avail, but for some reason this morning as I was working on a paper I didn't really want to be writing, staying up all night to meet my deadline, I found it.

Because I am.

Wondering.



Sometimes I think about
The way things used to be
Had it all figured out
When I was two or three.

But then I made some mistakes that I' regret
Let some things in my mind I wish I could forget
But I don't think I can erase these memories
That's why I'm down here on my knees.

Oh lord my God
When I in awesome wonder about the man on that cross
And all the pain I put him through
And everything that I still do.
Which drop of blood did I make him shed?
Did I put the thorns onto his head?
I try to do what the Savior said,
But I slip all the time on the path he led

I'm wondering
If you're listening to me
Just wondering
Who I'm supposed to be
I'm just wondering
If there's more to life than what I see
I'm wondering
Just wondering (wonder)

And just when I think these prayers are in vain
I feel a power in my heart that relieves my pain
So please let these words get past your brain
Stop wondering, stop wondering

Cuz I know that our fathers love is real
Open your heart and let it feel
Cuz I've never felt this love before
And I'm not wondering anymore (Just wondering)

Oh, I'm not wondering
I'm not wondering
Wondering anymore
Wondering, wondering anymore
Wondering, wondering anymore
Not wondering anymore

More soon.

He's Not Good Enough For You

I can't stop listening to this. And crying.

And living every word.

Define Me

This is on my mind today and I think everyone should see it.

On My Mind

This is what I've been feeling/thinking today.

I don't want you to hate / For all the hurt that you feel...



I know its hard to tell
How mixed up you feel
Hoping what you need
Is behind every door
Each time you get hurt
I don't want you to change
Cuz everyone has hopes
You're human after all

The feeling sometimes
Wishing you were someone else
Feeling as though
You never belong
This feeling is not sadness
This feeling is not joy
I truly understand
Please don't cry now

Please don't go
I want you to stay
I'm begging you please
Please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate
For all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion
Trying to change you

Being like you are
Well this is something else
Who would comprehend
That some bad do lay claim
Divine purpose blesses them
Thats not what I believe
And it doesn't matter anyway

A part of your soul
Ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last
But I'm still not sure
But what I do know
Is to us the world is different
As we are to the world
I guess you would know that

Please don't go
I want you to stay
I'm begging you please
Please don't leave here
I don't want you to hate
For all the hurt that you feel
The world is just illusion
Trying to change you

Please don't go
Please don't go
I want you to stay
I'm begging you please
Oh please don't leave here
I don't want you to change
For all the hurt that you feel
This world is just illusion
Always trying to change you

Holding On

This post is dedicated to Chris.



I thought the future held
A perfect place for us
That together we would learn to be
the best that we could be
In my naivety I ran
I fell and lost my way
Somehow I always end up falling over me

And one day
I woke to find
The future had no place
For me
I was unwanted in a world
That with my hands I helped build
Where once was honesty and pride
I now stand broken and alone
Just a shadow
Of what I was meant to be

They say that "Time will heal"
"The truth shall set us free"
Well that depends
On what it is
that you choose to believe
In this prison made of lies
We see what it is we want to see
And find comfort in this
Broken hall of dreams

Does anybody feel
the way I do?
Is there anybody out there?
Are you hearing me?

If I believe in you
Will you believe in me?
Or am I alone
in this hall of dreams?

I believe in you
You believe in me
But I have no trust
In anything
Somehow I'm always
always falling over me

Somehow I'm always
I'm always falling over me

~Holding On - VNV Nation

My followers keep increasing, and I'm not even posting anything. LOL So I prolly ought to start again.

[insert section where I come up with inane, fundamentally flawed, drippy list of reasons I have not been blogging] Yeah, no. I don't feel like it today.

However, I will share one, for the sake of sharing. The biggest and best reason I haven't been blogging is that I'm happy (outwardly and generally).

I really am having an amazing summer.

Traveling, spending time with those I care about, and really just being myself. There are downs, rough spots, and times I think too much, but life should never be a glass-like lake with no ripples or movement.

My main source of pain right now is for those who feel trapped in less-than-desirable circumstances, or cannot wholly be themselves. I wish I had answers for how to help these people, but I really don't. I'm not Gandhi or Mohammed.

Beyond outward appearances and general happiness, there's what's really going on deep inside of me that I don't give my full attention everyday because it would kill me. I'm happiest when I'm not worrying about me and my life. LOL Aren't we all though? Like a new food rolled on my tongue so I can form an opinion, I'm mentally debating some very, very weighty and tough decisions. I've not blogged them because, to be frank, open, and completely transparent; I'm worried of the response I will get. My skin isn't as thick as I like to pretend it is, and despite the affront I offer, I do care what people think of me. I'll openly admit my hatred for judgment.

If I can work up the courage, maybe I'll let you into the abscesses of my heart and mind and just come clean with everything that I'm feeling and thinking right now...

All I have is words
To which I`m a slave
I scribble them down
Hoping they'll
Save me
But I'm lost
I'm so lost

These pages will burn
And I'll pass away
Yesterday's gone
And I just can't shake
The fact that I'm lost
I'm so lost

-The Classic Crime, Far From Home

Far from Home ~ Closer than We Think

This is how I really feel...

FAR FROM HOME - Classic Crime's EP, pre-2nd album


I’ve got a bad
Taste in me
It’s like I’ve been robbed
Of something I once was
In my childhood memories

And it’s buried in sandboxes
Backyard where we used to see
That dreams could come true
If believed
The sidewalks scream our names

We are so
Far from home
Far from home

I’ve got a bad
Pain in my heart
It’s like the first time
That I looked in your eyes
The first time
It all fall apart

And it’s buried in sandboxes
Backyard where we used to see
That dreams could come true
If believed
The sidewalks scream our names

We are so
Far from home
Far from home

But now we are so
Far from home
Far from home

All I have is words
To which I’m a slave
I scribble them down
Hoping they'll
Save me
But I’m lost
I’m so lost

These pages will burn
And I’ll pass away
Yesterday’s gone
And I just can’t shake
The fact that I’m lost
I’m so lost

But now we are so
Far from home
Far from home

Now
We are so
Far from home
Far from home

But now we are so
Far from home
Far from home
Far from home

We are so
Far from home
Far from home

Now we are so
Far from home
Far from home

Now we are so
Far from home
Far from home

CLOSER THAN WE THINK - Classic Crime's 2nd album


What's it gonna take for me
On my hands and knees
While all the poets fill pages of loose leaf
I feel cheap, and I feel empty
We will bathe in the sea of disbelief
But we will not go quickly.
No, we will not die so easily.

And I knew that this would happen
It always does
And I couldn't stop my reaction
So I let it come
I let it come

I still hold the belief
That we are free,
That we don't need the rules
To see
That despite what we've done
We're not alone
We're closer than we think to home

It didn't take me long to believe
That I could do anything,
Turn the songs up loud
So we can sing
I am true
And I am living
We will walk through the valley
Of the shadow
Of the boring
And burn it all
No, we will not go quietly

And I knew that this would happen
It always does
And I couldn't stop my reaction
So I let it come
I let it come

I still hold the belief
That we are free,
That we don't need the rules
To see
That despite what we've done
We're not alone
We're closer than we think to home

To home, to home
To home, to home
To home, to home
To home, to home

Across the water you call me
But I'm not listening
As I sink down
Water fills my lungs
As I begin to drown
I knew that this would...

I still hold the belief
That we are free,
That we don't need the rules
To see
That despite what we've done
We're not alone
We're closer than we think to home.

"A Little's Enough"

Two days ago I recieved an email from the "No on 8" people that I did not want to hear, and still don't know how I feel about it. They will continue to fight, as we have seen with the recent protests and marches.

However, the end of this particular mail said: 

"We achieve nothing if we isolate the people who did not stand with us in this fight. We only further divide our state if we attempt to blame people of faith, African American voters, rural communities and others for this loss. We know people of all faiths, races and backgrounds stand with us in our fight to end discrimination, and will continue to do so. Now more than ever it is critical that we work together and respect our differences that make us a diverse and unique society. Only with that understanding will we achieve justice and equality for all."

Why? Why do we have to have hope like this? Why do we need to be nice and understanding? Why can't we get out our guns, continue to abandon the principles we hold dear of true christianity and just hate, hate, hate? Why are we being nice about this? Why are we better than our hate? Why do I have to keep being strong? Why can't I just give up already?

Sometimes I hate having an unbreakable spirit. 

But under my surface rage, kicking out at friends, and my bubbling hatred, I'm just...like Beck. I can't.

So here's to another whisper of hope:




"When all is said and done
Will we still feel pain inside?
Will the scars go away with night?
Try to smile for the morning light

"It's like the best dream to have
Where everything is not so bad
Every tear is so alone
Like God himself is coming home to say:

"I, I can do anything
If you want me here
I can fix anything
If you'll let me near

"Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself.

"Green trees were the first sign.
The deepest blue, the clearest sky
The silence came with brightest eyes
Like turning water into wine
The children ran to see
Their parents stood in disbelief
And those who knew braced for the ride
The Earth itself then came alive

"I, I can do anything
If you want me here
I can fix anything
If you'll let me near

"Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself.

"I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone, I noticed it bad.
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough.

"I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone, I noticed it bad.
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough."

(Instrumental)

"I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone, I noticed it bad.
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough.

"I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone, I noticed it bad.
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough.

"I'm sorry I have to say it (just a little) but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone (just a little), I noticed it bad.
The cure is if you let in (just a little)  just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough.

"I'm sorry I have to say it (just a little) but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone (just a little), I noticed it bad.
The cure is if you let in (just a little) just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough."

~"A Little's Enough" - Angels & Airwaves

Suicide Note

Another blogger first. I give you, VIDEO.

If I were going to commit suicide (which for those of you freaking out and worried right now, is not at this time any more plausible than it has been in recent months), this would be the note I would leave my broken, battered, bloodied self:

"Couldn’t save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you forgive me for trying again?
Your silence makes me hold my breath
All the time has passed you by

"Ooo, for so long I’ve tried to shield you from the world
Ooo, you couldn’t face the freedom on your own
Here I am
Left in silence

"You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done is forgiven
You’ll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that stands forgiven

"I watched the clouds drifting away
Still the sun can’t warm my face
I know it was destined to go wrong
You were looking for the greatest escape
To chase your demons away

"Ooo, for so I long I’ve tried to shield you from the world
Ooo, you couldn’t face the freedom on your own
Here I am
Left in silence

"You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done is forgiven
You’ll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that stands forgiven

"Everything turned out so wrong
Why did you leave me in silence?

"You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done is forgiven
You’ll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done is forgiven."

~Forgiven, by Within Temptation

"Just because you were hurt, doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed" - Secondhand Serenade

The eve of... 

I want it all to just be done. Over. Finished. I am sick of war, sick of debate, and sick of the empty pit in my stomach that never goes away long enough for me to feel better.

What's next? Where to?

Serendipity shows me this.

Scott shows me courage unprecedented.

The other Scot documents whispers of hope.

And yet... how long must I cradle my whispers of hope against the shadows of screaming hate which threatens to blot out everything else?

Is this the edge of the cliff? Where I fall? Say goodbye to my family? The church? Everything I've ever loved and held dear?

Where and how do I find the succor of solace?

I have been sort of on hiatus. I visited my Bro in Seattle. I've read 4 novels. Watched 5 movies. Anything somewhat mindless... just to forget for a moment. Any acceptable "drink" to satiate my burning soul.

But the war is not going to drag on - at least not this piece of it. It will be resolved by tomorrow's end. On the eve of such an unprecedented election, I do the only thing I know how.

Keep running.

I hate being gay and Mormon. More than anything else on this planet, I hate it...

Yesterday in church it was testimony meeting. Nothing on Prop 8. WRONG. A lady got up and driveled on about her son in California. Standing at the pulpit she had the audacity to say: "My son was telling me this story about his son who is 12, and heard one of the 'yes on 8' ads, and said to him: 'Dad, what's that?' My son explained it was a law to keep 'men from marrying men' and 'women from marrying women.' His son looked at him and said, 'Dad! Why would a man want to marry a man?'" She said it in the most condescending tone, as if was the funniest joke she'd ever heard. Like the very notion was absurd. Like that kid was the smartest kid ever.

I just sat in my chair, fists clenched, trying to keep my vomit in my mouth, even as I thought the answer: for love. For real, true, valid, actual love. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE SEE THAT? DAMN YOU PEOPLE! DAMN YOUR SELF-RIGHTEOUS JUDGING! DAMN YOUR IGNORANCE! DAMN YOUR HATE! I wanted nothing more than to get up right then and bear MY testimony like Scott did...but I just got called to teach Primary... I get to teach the little ones! I love my calling! And what would these backwards, 1000% red, prejudiced, close-minded people say if they found out that the teacher of their precious kiddies was a G A Y? *gasps*

The woman who spoke in California two days ago was absolutely right:

"I know that the 'Yes on 8' campaign has made it extremely difficult for gay and lesbian Mormons, their families, and their friends to feel the love of God at Church. The divisive spirit of the 'Yes on 8' campaign has in fact created deep divisions within our congregations and families."

This is tearing us apart. Literally. I just...I just don't know how to be strong anymore. I'm glad this is over, because I can't do it anymore. I'm done walking on the knife edge. I'm falling, I'm bleeding, and I'm dying. Amid the overwhelming pain of the future I unhappily face, I did find one precious moment of respite when I was relaxing after church:

"I've gone so far from my home 
I've seen the world and I have known 
So many secrets 
I wish now I did not know 

"'Cause they have crept into my heart 
They have left it cold and dark 
And bleeding 
Bleeding and falling apart 

"And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry 
But I've been around enough to know that that was the lie 
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons 

"We are children no more we have sinned and grown old 
And our Father still waits and he watches down the road 
To see his crying boys come running back to his arms 
And be growing young...growing young 

"I've seen silver turn to dross 
Seen the very best there ever was 
And I'll tell you it ain't worth what it costs 
I remember my father's house 
What I wouldn't give right now 
Just to see him and hear him tell me that he loves me so much 

"And everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry 

But I've been around enough to know that that was the lie 
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons 
Well we are children no more we have sinned and grown old 
And our Father still waits and he watches down the road 
To see his crying boys come running back to his arms 

"And when I thought that I was all alone 
It was your voice I heard calling me back home 
And I wonder now 
What it was that made me wait so long 

"And what kept you waiting for me all that time 
Was your love stronger than my foolish pride 
Will you take me back now take me back and let me be your child 

"'Cause I've been broken down, I've been saved 
Learned to cry and I've learned how to pray 
And I'm learning

I'm learning even I can be changed 

"Everybody used to tell me big boys don't cry 

I've been around enough to know that that was the lie 
That held back the tears in the eyes of a thousand prodigal sons 
Well we are children no more we have sinned and grown old 
And our Father still waits and he watches down the road 
To see his crying boys come running back to his arms 
And be growing young 
Growing young 
Growing young"

--Rich Mullins, "Growing Young"

I'm ready to be done. I'm tried of crying. I'm tried of hurting. I'm ready to go home. To be held, to be loved, and to have my tears wiped away. 

And to finally feel what I have only ONCE in my life...

...peace.

"God rocks even more than my Mom does" ~From my Journal

I bore my testimony in church today. I was shaking the entire time and I bawled. People were really moved by my sincerity. Tons of people thanked me afterwards and gave me hugs.

I was really, really nervous and for good reason. I started out saying that and then added, "I'm nervous because it's been almost two years since I've been at a pulpit. That's because I haven't really had anything to say. But I do now..."

I talked about the blessing my uncle gave which I realized mid-week last week set off this entire spiral back into faith and God and the gospel. It really was him. He came down for Conference and then came to visit me at work and he asked if he could give me a blessing, and then when he put his hands on my head he blessed me to know. To find the answers I've been searching for. I don't remember one single other thing he said, though the blessing was at least like 2 or 3 minutes.

Anyway, today was really good for that reason. And then I heard this song today and loved it:

Have you been here before?
Do you know the road I'm walking?
Have you been out here
When that cold north wind blows?
Can you promise me I'm gonna get to where I'm going?
I'll trust you now like I've trusted You before

But if I lose my way will You come find me?
If I forget who I am will You remind me?
It's a long, long road
And I'm not gonna make it on my own

Every time I try to make it through without You
If I lose my way, I stumble and I fall
Will You be my strength through the valley and the shadow?
Will You be there to answer when I call?

But if I lose my way will You come find me?
If I forget who I am will You remind me?
It's a long, long road
And I'm not gonna make it on my own

I've known dark nights
But there were stars
I've seen stormy days
But the sun was never far away
I've known loneliness and pain
But I've felt the peace of heaven
And the love of Your embrace

And if I lose my way
You will come find me
If I forget who I am
You will remind me
It's a long, long road
And I don't have to make it on my own.
And if we lose our way
He will come find us
If we forget who we are
He will remind us
It's a long, long road
And we don't have to make it on our own

But if I lose my way will You come find me?
If I forget who I am will You remind me?
It's a long, long road
And I'm not gonna make it on my own

~"If I lose my way" by Jericho Road.

I really love God and I love my church and I love who I am.

But more than anything, I think I love actually being happy. That's still really new for me, but so far, I love it. A whole whole lot.

F A I T H

How long have I
Been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by
The ocean's shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head.

If I could just see you
Everything would be alright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light.

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright.

I know you didn't
Bring me out here to drown
So why am I
Ten feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has
Become my purpose.
Cuz I'm so used to living
Underneath the surface.

If I could just see you
Everything would be alright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light.

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright

I know everything is alright.

Everything's alright...yeah...everything's alright.

~Lifehouse, Storm

Broken

The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time

And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
Is the healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will...be okay

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
Haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

~Lifehouse

I Know The Feeling

I... I'm doing okay. I guess.

Here's my new favorite song...

I know it cuts you inside every time that you try
To take a pathway in life that leaves you so unobliged
Every promise is lies, every smile makes you cry
Leaves you so unalive, so unalive
I wish I could take the fall
Maybe by that I could solve
The problems we're all having
It's been a while since you've felt like you've been home
Your life's just flesh and bone

Your heart is worth more than you know
The one thing that hurts more than your life
Is to wake up one more time alone
It's to wake up one more time alive

So take us in, we'll stop you dead
We'll show you something you won't ever forget
This life's a road, no place is home
My heart's a hole
That needs to constantly be filled with love

This time it's all that I've got
Words hit the page like gunshots
My stomach's left in a knot
My pride is left here to rot
It's been a while since I've felt this restless
By definition it's depressing but I'm alright
It kills to wake up one more time alone
It kills to wake up one more time alive

So take us in, we'll stop you dead
We'll show you something you won't ever forget
This life's a road, no place is home
My heart's a hole
That needs to constantly be filled with love

I know the feeling of being all alone
So let's drink to fact that we're not
I know the feeling of being all alone
So let's drink to fact that we're not

So take us in, we'll stop you dead
We'll show you something you won't ever forget
This life's a road, no place is home
My heart's a hole
That needs to constantly be filled with love


~The Classic Crime

Breakdown...

I'm still reeling from my immense sense of disconnect. My profound sense of unplaceable disconcertion.

I'm not sure I can even tell who I am anymore.

I've become a ghost of a shell...everything else is dead and buried.

I've been doing so well... keeping myself busy.

Class and work and being involved have kept me driven. DRIVEN I tell you, so that I didn't have time to dwell, to think, to try.

To breathe. Or to be.

Now I find myself slave to the space between semesters. I have no routine. No schedule. Nothing to bury myself in to keep from living...

"What hurts more than just dying is living barely alive. After all it's easier than falling short every time." ~The Classic Crime, The Fight

I think I'm breaking down... and I don't know what to do. Other than push it away and keep trying to maintain my broken self.

A close friend I recently came out wrote me a letter about how she hurts for me because I won't face this... she doesn't know anything... I have faced this. Head-on for many months. And then the pain became too great and I started making rash decisions that I regret and I got so confused and messed up and unsure that I almost died. Really died.

So I started running. And I've never looked back. Sometimes you cope by avoiding because you're not able to handle what it is you're running from. And that's okay, right? You can run for a while until you get a better handle on things and then come back for a second try...

Only I don't understand what's happening to me now... during the in-between... running shouldn't hurt... so why do I hurt? And want to cry?

I hate blogging I think. But maybe I hate me and my life more?

That's all.

Song of Myself

A couple of [weeks] and I'm a silhouette,
My halo is broken now
And I'm all that's left.

I hate to disappoint
but it's the way things went,
I was blind to the things I did

And deaf to what was said...
Tie up these loose ends
cuz voices are calling...
...me out.

I've got the solution
You can feed me to something
That is leaving this town.

Whoa! I'm losing hope
There's a hole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone.

Whoa! Cold comes, cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cuz I can't do it alone...

A couple of tears
And I'm a broken mess
The sadness has taken me

Too deep in regret
So sing me a song
About something good

My heart's on the threshing floor
And I've done every single thing
I could

I used to believe in some kind of feeling
That could change everything
I thought I knew

But that door is closing
My heart feels like it's frozen
If you hear me

I can't feel you.

Whoa! I'm losing hope
There's a hole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone.

Whoa! Cold comes, cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cuz I can't do it alone...

The coldest heart
Can be brought to life
When it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes.

The coldest heart
Can be brought to life
When it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes.

The coldest heart
Can be brought to life
(can be brought to life)
When it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes.

Whoa! I'm losing hope
There's a hole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone.

Whoa! Cold comes, cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cuz I can't do it alone...

Whoa! I'm losing hope
There's a hole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone.

Whoa! Cold comes, cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cuz I can't do it alone...

I've got the coldest heart...
I've got the coldest heart...
I've got the coldest...

...heart.
~The Classic Crime