At least the Void has good music :P This post is dedicated to MYSELF.
I’ve given up on giving up slowly,
I’m blending in so you won’t even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is
My one last shot at redemption
Because I know to live you must give your life away
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
That might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing
Where to go, I promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You,
I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape.
I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
That might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing
Where to go, I promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is
Something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You,
I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape.
I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave
Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I’ve been locked inside that house
All the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
That might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing
Where to go, I promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You,
I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape.
I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
So were You
-Be My Escape, Relient K
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"Forgive these wild and wandering cries,
Confusions of a desolated youth;
Forgive them where they fail in truth,
And in thy wisdom make me wise.
---Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam
DISCLAIMER: Gay. Mormon. Pieces of me that I'm still trying to harmonize. Almost 10yrs since coming out, 5yrs since leaving the Church, I haven't figured out how to quit yet. Please respect my space. If you don't have a constructive contribution, please leave.
1 comment:
Whatever it is, wherever it comes from, I hope that you find a way out of your prison. I pray that you will find true joy and peace, without being unfaithful to yourself. I have no answers, no wisdom, I can only offer love and support without conditions. I am here as your best friend to walk besides you down whatever path you choose. As hard and frustrating as it is, this choice is between you and the Lord, only the two of you can find out what is right for your life. Nothing is fair if you are not honest with yourself, acknowledging that you deserve the best and can HAVE the best. Never feel like you are settling- settling to have something earthly or settling as a way to gain something eternal.
You DO know how to pray. You know how to turn the car around. You know how to save others- now save yourself. Don't doubt yourself. Don't be scared of either answer. Love yourself more honestly than you have ever loved yourself before. Where and when have you felt the happiest before? In the Temple? On holidays that aren't as huge as pioneer day?
Pray. Be honest with yourself. Accept joy and happiness wherever you feel you can find the most of it. I have faith in you...now have faith in yourself. (and maybe get a blessing)
As I struggle with my own decision, I am starting to feel as if there is a good choice and a better choice, I'm just not sure which is which yet. But perhaps, neither are flat out wrong or right.
I love you.
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