15 August 2008

Standing... for Everything

Beck's recent post and my comment moved me to put this up here. People are becoming increasingly torn up about Prop 8 and the damage it seems to be causing.

That said, it's also ripping my own family apart now, for which I have no answers... my uncle is one of the grassroot leaders in Southern California. Against me. How do you combat that? What do you say? How does any of this STRENGTHEN my family? So for all it's done is shred us. What can we do? How can we be heard? How can we, as Beck put it, circle our wagons?

I wrote this maybe two years ago... it's in bad need of editing, but I don't have time right now to do so. The basic message gets across though, so just take it for what it's worth:
Manifesto

In 1973, homosexuality was taken off the list of mental illnesses by the American Psychological Association. Since that time, there has been increasingly more acceptance, but prejudice has not ended. Is this not a goal we can achieve together?

There are among us individuals who would identify on neither side of the Mormon vs. homosexual debate, categorizing themselves as both Mormon and homosexual. They have been attacked for refusing to be openly gay, for refusing to be “authentic to themselves” by living the way they were made. Yet, on the same token, they have been attacked for not changing who they are, for not becoming straight and “normal.” Are not these individuals worthy of our love as much as any of God’s children? Standing on the underpinnings of Mormonism and homosexuality reflects a conscious decision: to understand who they are on all levels and to use that as a catalyst for living by belief anyway.

Have we sought to provide a place of peace for them on this road of difficulty? A house of healing? A haven where they can work out their suffering and reconciliation in the context of support? How can we call ourselves God-fearing Christians—those who lift up the weary hand and aid the sick and afflicted—when we are pushing our own away solely because they struggle differently? Where are the tender mercies of the Lord? Mormon homosexuals are lying abandoned at the roadside, beaten and dying, and we as priest and Levite are passing by without offering even a second glance. Where is the Good Samaritan to succor them, to show them the love of God no matter their circumstance? Their place is not easy, but that does not make it wrong.

It is time to begin working diligently to create the environment of understanding and acceptance they long for. Their unique position of dedication despite difficulty must be given a voice. They fight daily in the trenches of this struggle with no one to back them, no one to give them cover. Why have we not reinforced these soldiers on the frontlines of duty, integrity, and stalwart devotion to the gospel? How long will we continue to label as tendencies—to be shunned and divorced from within them—those very things they are struggling to find happiness with as part of who they are? What if they like who they are? What if they embrace their sexuality without acting upon it? Can we not aid them in this process? Must we define them as the sinners we love while shunning their sin? May we plead to know what sin? When they have done nothing but try the best they know how with what they’ve been given?

Identifying this way does not constitute an abandonment of principles and morals to become a sexual act. It does not imply a spurning of God, family, and culture. Neither does it mean denying a portion of who they are. How can we say they go about things the wrong way when they are human and need to be loved just like everyone else does? How can we work to unnerve their system of belief if it incorporates what we say is wrong? Why do they get placed with abominations before the eyes of God when they have done nothing but fight to figure out who they are? Since when has feeling and attraction become a justification for hatred and oppression of otherwise righteous individuals?

The general gay community strives to acknowledge everyone as a son or daughter of God loved by Him; we can do likewise. Mormons believe stolidly in being “willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and [being] willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places” (Mosiah 18: 8-9). Why has initiative not been taken by Mormons to apply this principle to those who struggle with homosexuality?

Let us amend the errors of our ways and begin now to live this doctrine. It is time to stop fighting and to stand with our brothers and sisters who need our support. How many are even now suffering in silence without anyone to aid them? These are our brothers and sisters! Were not even the lepers taken in by Jesus? Did he not sit at table with publican and sinner and regard them in their plight? How can we ever attest like the Primary song that we are “Trying to be like Jesus” if we will not even stop to acknowledge those crying in the corners of the wilderness for a friend? For someone who will listen and at least try to understand their predicament? Even when their attractions do not harmonize with ours on all accounts, let us embrace them. If we do not begin to take the actions needed to remedy the neglect and prejudices incurred thus far, Mormon homosexuals will continue to be lost. They will leave the Mormon Church in search of other happiness, or in the extreme, commit suicide. To reconcile beliefs with feelings is difficult enough; we should not be compounding the issue of homosexuality by our lack of understanding. We need to back these individuals in carving out their unique path—a path that pairs them with the Atonement and their Savior—as they walk, crawl, and scrape their way back to
their God.

~Hidden

12 August 2008

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage Is WRONG!

Funniest list maybe ever:

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms, just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

I found this list here.
'Nuff said.
~Hidden

What everyone should know (Prop 8)

Amazing. Great. So needed. (Now why wasn't I a part in creating it? :P) No, I'm glad someone has done this. Someone has made this. Someone is speaking out.

I will spread the good news.

http://mormonsformarriage.com/

Everyone should know about this. Pass it on.

31 July 2008

Change (and Prop 8)

Life has been great since graduation. No complaints. Which is part of why I haven't been blogging. I've pretty much moved on to other things. I should reconsider making this blog public now that I've graduated, I have a diploma, and I'm free from censoring myself.

The fear is over.

And it feels so good.

And then I move to Cali. And then Prop 8 happens. I've heard stories from Pinetree about what happened last time with Stuart Matis, as well as read In Quiet Desperation, (but who hasn't?)

And then Prop 8. Gah. I tell myself that it's over, that I don't care, that stuff like this doesn't determine anything about my testimony, but the ache is still there and I can't hide from it.

I don't remember when or where I heard about the letter coming from the First Presidency, but I knew it was coming. I knew it. I was still in Provo the day they were supposed to read it, and I went to Sacrament Meeting (I think) and our new Bishop didn't read it. Thank goodness. Which was surprising to me, since I was in P-town.

Anyway, the next week we were at OTR's single ward, and figured we were safe because it was the week before. Not so much. The counselor got up and said he failed to read something the week before. We couldn't believe it! As soon as he started reading and I knew it was what I thought it was, I walked out. Stood up and LEFT.

The ache and pain this causes is still surprising to me. I'm comfortable with who I am, I'm secure in my testimony, and I pray for the strength to follow and understand the counsel God's servants give to me... it's still just so freaking hard. Why? Why are they doing this?

I really like Max Power's email on Prop 8, and fully agree with him:
"It boggles my mind that we as a church can recite the 13 Articles of Faith, but we don't seem to actually believe number 11: We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

"You don't have to like gay marriage. You don't have to accept it as part of your beliefs. But you do have to respect the freedom of choice that God gave all his children in this life."

3 weeks later, last Sunday, we went to one of my favorite areas from my mission, and it was brought up! I couldn't believe it! Most of the time the Spanish branches are in their own little gospel world that isn't affected by any of the larger political stuff. Most of them can't even vote! The 1st counselor whom I've always respected stood up and showed off a paper they'd drawn up to assist the members by showing them specifically all the ways they could help Prop 8 be successful, whether a little or a lot.

I wanted to throw up. Our church is supposed to be POLITICALLY NEUTRAL and yet they continue to disregard that and do what they feel is in the interest of all of us. I really don't know how to respond to their restricting other's agency as acceptable and reasonable... I just don't.

I vowed that I would steal every last form as I sat there listening. Then, of course, I got swarmed by all the people happy to see me and I forgot. I remembered as we were driving away and pounded the steering wheel. Gah!

My hope resonates right now with the life of just one. Hopefully Californians with open minds and hearts will outnumber those of the Church and define for the rest of the United States that we all have unalienable rights, including the right to choose who we marry. This is not the destruction of the family. It's really not. I just wish the people who are freaking out about this and moving money and power into this proposition would see that.

That's all I have to say right now.

12 April 2008

"I feel a little suicidal, just not high enough to jump." -Strata

Final papers suck.

And they are totally gayer than I am.

The end.

10 April 2008

Hallelujah!

Things are well. Busy, but well. I'M ALMOST GRADUATED!!! *celebrates*

Good news is that my friend just called me from work (though she's not allowed to) and told me that she gets to walk in May, which her advisor told her last week she wouldn't let her do. But she has fought and fought, and refused to give up. She has kept writing her thesis, even after being denied, and now they have relented.

I love God! I love the gospel! I especially love awesome friends who support one another and help each other be strong.

My mantra for life: "A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation from the bricks other people have thrown at him." -David Brinkley.

Truth. *beckons* Bring it. Throw another brick my way. I need more to get me higher faster anyway. :P

16 March 2008

To Grandma

My best friend's Grandma passed away this morning, and I know this will be an absolutely crushing blow for her. I'm scared where she will go next. This will either be the motivation she needs to get through the coming months, or the gaping maw that will devour her alive into new depths of depression. I wrote this for her, because to her I am a poet, even though I firmly argue against such things:

To Grandma
~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up this morning
and wanted to dance
Celebrate
Life, love, happiness
Bright, sunny, warm

I called [BF] to
invite her
wrap
her in the same arms
of love

When she answered
she sounded too awake
and then I knew

Grandma,
I don't know your name
but somehow that's okay
because we share a common bond
Love of a girl
Bright, sunny, warm

Like the sun
Shall we dance?
Stretch, turn, twist, grow with me
Hold my hand and never let go
this journey is absolutely, uniquely mine
But I want you to come too

Getting ready
I left my house
And locked the door, bolt shut tight
Said goodbye to empty halls and rooms
Hollow memories

As I walked along
I heard the birds
in the trees
chirping, calling out
loud and gay
Bright, sunny, warm

A Tribute
to the birth
of Spring
Made me think of flowers, blossoms, petals,
Growth, beauty, joy
Bright, sunny, warm

The sun will never stop shining
down on me
And I know
that neither will your smile
For there can be
no death in love
There is no death
For a life well lived
Goes on forever

Keep smiling Grandma,
And I will hold [BF]
for you
with you
We are
Bright, sunny, warm.

Attitude Problem

It's been forever and a year (not quite) since I put anything up here.

I've started journaling again, which is something I've needed. I can't remember a time when I was busier (although somehow I still feel like I get more sleep than I did as a missionary...) and I am ready for a break.

Graduation is close, and I am so excited.

That's what I want to say: I am well, and happy. And I like that.

I think that everything we get in life (whether born with or not) has to be funneled through our attitudes. Viktor E. Frankl was not dumb when he said that we always get to choose our attitudes, especially in suffering. The hand you get can be a blessing or a curse. Your Choice.

It has been a long and ofttimes debilitating struggle, but I'm going the "blessing" route now wholeheartedly. Knowing who I am, being okay with it, and embracing it...that has become what I use to empower myself to help other people.

I help people.
In small, but SIGNIFICANT ways.

And for me, that is enough.

An acquaintance mentioned the other day that I seem to be moralizing; that I'm condemning those who choose to live differently than myself. I initially spouted off about accepting everyone no matter what they do and how they choose to live...trying knee-jerk reactionarily to defend myself, but with greater thought I think my response was erroneous. I am moralizing. We choose what we are going to believe in, and that's a tough cookie to crumble for some people. Those who become disillusioned and walk away from the gospel into what they have chosen to believe is right cannot call themselves free of moralizing either. I realized that after thinking about this particular acquaintance's circumstances. He's not served a mission, doesn't want to, hates church, and often speaks out against the institution as close-minded, repressive, etc etc. Not very new arguments from people who are upset. That's moralizing too! He would probably balk if I threw that argument at him, but isn't it? You've just aligned your beliefs opposite mine, and every step I take toward my "right" and staying in a Church that is far more important to me than anything else is a step further into your "wrong" because of oppression, bigotry, and any other number of reasons.

Moral relativism is a dangerous game and one that I cannot walk indifferently. That knife edge cuts and cuts and I'm tired of bloody feet. I will look and live and that's the only thing I know how to do. I refuse to rationalize and justify. Gospel principles are gospel principles, and until/if they are changed with the proper authority and dissemination from the mouth of the Prophet I believe in, what I follow is ordained of God and I cannot rightfully place myself elsewhere. God doesn't believe in line-walkers, or fence-sitters. Make a decision and stick to it.

Hypocrisy is condemned more than anything else by the Lord, so I must be true to self and Church and follow that which I see before me as the lighted path--albeit rocky, thorny, hedged about, and difficult--back to my God.

People would argue me on this, attack me even, for my choice. For my solidity, my stability. I will NOT back down. My chips are down, and my weapon drawn, and I have chosen a side.

I'm not looking back.

12 December 2007

Math

I hate math.

Problem:
Girl Drama
- the girlfriend part
* the moving away in one week part
+ the flirting constantly but not wanting anything out of this part
______________________________________________

= Complicated life. Girls suck.

Answer
+ all kinds of RL drama
+ amazing family drama
+ Finals and papers and tests, etc etc
_____________________________

= I HATE THIS SCHOOL... and my life.

Answer
* being SSA but trying to date
__________________________

= HELL

Answer
/ (divided by) my love of God and Christ
_____________________________

= Somehow I guess I'll be okay


That's all.

17 November 2007

fear

I'm teaching in Elder's Quorum tomorrow... I'm absolutely frightened out of my mind. Guys are so incredibly intimidating to me. I passed on the calling to be the Elder's Quorum chorister for that very reason... now I'm going to teach them all gospel?

I just have to remember that after my testimony the outpouring of love was huge. Dz told me yesterday that it was the most memorable testimony and people are still talking about it and grateful for it.

I just hope I'm not awkward, or embarrassing. The focus is on Christ, not me... I want people to be like, "Who is this kid? Where did he get that testimony?" From trials baby. Trials that bring us closer to God. Hey, that's the topic of my lesson...

...I'm still scared out of my fricking mind.